I know people have my back, and it means so much.

I have so much love in my life.  It’s crazy, but I don’t think I really understood what love is until now.  I know I’ll have friends no matter what, and that knowledge in the face of all this scariness is uplifting and overwhelming at the same time.  Every message or email means so much and I know that I will heal and be well and strong again because of them.  I don’t think I can ever properly thank everyone who has sent me well wishes, and I’m afraid of any kind words going unacknowledged.

I have to thank my parents, and Ryan, and everyone who listens to me ramble every week, and everyone who knew me when I was a kid and endured my weirdness and still likes me anyway.  I don’t know how people lived through cancer before communication technology.  If I had to face this alone, I don’t think I could survive.

I go into surgery tomorrow.  I don’t think I’ve ever been more scared, but I am so hopeful.

17 thoughts on “grateful

  1. If you’re still the funny awkward girl Ryan introduced me to, and are still the funny awkward woman that I know and love, you’ll be fine. I wish I could hold your hand through this, but a few thousand miles of ocean prevent that (and I don’t think Kaiser would let me in).

    Jai and I wish you strength, Jen. Strength and love.

  2. I don’t know how you feel, but I am here to help in anyway I can. The anticipation will soon be over and you can get on with healing. Hallelujah…

  3. Although we’ve not met, I have admired you from afar. If we were close, I’d give you a great big hug. I was just sharing a Bible passage with another friend this morning: Ephesians 3:16-20. Christ’s love is broader and deeper than we can completely comprehend. Just remember that he comes to our aid not because we love him, but because he loves us. When Lazarus was sick, Jesus was told, “The one you love is sick.” Jen, take comfort in knowing you are BFF with Christ.

  4. Stay wierd and strange and laugh when it’s not appropriate. It’s the only way to get through this crazy life. And btw your picture is amazing! All of my love and prayers are with you and your family. Godspeed for a speedy recovery in every way. <>

  5. Sending loving, healing thoughts to you from across the sea ;-/
    Your courage is amazing. You are blessed.

    Love from Christine. Wales UK.

  6. Jen (and Ryan), you don’t know me and I don’t know you, but I come to your website via my friends Damian Davila-Rojas and his wife Jen. My name is Jeff Nakamura and I have been diagnosed with Stage 4 Metastatic Soft Tissue Spindle Cell Sarcoma. That’s a mouthful. I was diagnosed with this disease 13 months ago, and have been undergoing treatment the whole time. While I (and my wife and children) don’t know what you’re going through, I know what you’re going through. Know what I mean?

    After reading your blog, I felt compelled to blog you and tell you that you are fighting an awesome fight, and you can certainly overcome this challenge. Scared? Yes, it’s okay to be afraid. It’s also okay to to weep, and talk, and laugh, and share. I’ve done lots of that over the last 13 months myself. I welcome you to my own blog ( to see someone else’s (my own) journey….ups and downs. I’ve had surgery, radiation, and chemo during my own journey, and I’m not out of the woods yet.

    I give you all my own hopes and prayers as you travel down your path; believing that what you need/want most is support, understanding, and a kind word from time to time. I wish you well on your treatment and recovery. While it can challenge your resolve at times, knowing you’re not alone can be a positive factor in your healing process. There is a world of support out there for you, and that will help you through the toughest of times. If there’s anything I can offer you, feel free to ask. Hang in there with great attitude and you will persevere.

    All my best to you and your family.
    Stranger Jeff

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