After my first treatment, it was the following Tuesday before I could get out of bed or do much of anything. Today is Tuesday, and I’m not quite where I was last time. I wonder if there really is a cycle; a way to predict on what days I’ll feel something like myself. If there is, I haven’t found it yet. I also haven’t found a way to manage the fatigue yet; the inability to do anything except sit and hurt. The fatigue is truly the worst of the side effects.
I want so badly to get up and do things. I wonder if the fatigue would be so bad if I could set goals for myself. One load of laundry. One chapter in a book.
Reading. I haven’t had the focus needed to finish a book in a very long time. I used to read constantly. Since my diagnosis, I find that I just don’t have the attention span to read. Back in February, before all of this started, I was reading a book by MFK Fisher, the food writer. MFK was the first food writer, and every ounce of passion she had for cooking and eating pours from every word she wrote. It’s a rare thing indeed when I can’t make it through a book, but I know I’ve probably read the last of Mary Frances for a while.
I’ve been trying to read “Howard’s End” by E.M. Forster during my clinic visits, but so far, it hasn’t grabbed me. I consider it a sort of personal failure if I can’t make it through a book, and I don’t want to set it aside, but I think it’s time to look for something else. Life is too short to read boring books, right? So I’m going to find something else. Any suggestions?