wait and see

I don’t really believe in New Year’s resolutions.  Why wait until some other day to resolve to do something?  Today is the perfect day to do something.  Having said that, I’ve decided to write every day.  What I have to say might not have anything to do with cancer, but I’ll still write it here.

Instagram - Jan. 8, 2013

Today, I’ve been on Tamoxifen for about ten days.  All of my fears, so far, have been unfounded.  I feel kind of tired occasionally, but otherwise, nothing is happening, which is, I guess, good.  Effexor, which I’m already taking, is given to Tamoxifen users who experience hot flashes, but I’ve had nary a hot flash.  My internal thermostat gets a little weird sometimes, but the sensation is nowhere near what I felt during chemo.

I mentioned my parents’ impending visit a few months ago.  My dad didn’t make it out, for reasons I can’t quite figure out.  I was very angry at him, and I’m still not over it, but I’m more disappointed than anything now.

The myriad ways family members deal with cancer is certainly something they don’t write about in books.  Even the conversations I have with my friends surprise me.  Some friends have never even spoken one word about cancer to me, which, in a way, is comforting.

I’ve slowly gotten back into baking.  I used to bake every week.  In the past year, whenever one of the kids has needed a baked good for a class party or function, I’ve gone to the store.  It made me feel guilty and sort of inadequate.  A few weeks ago, though, Katie needed a dessert for Girl Scouts, so I found my favorite recipe, and started baking, and it felt good.

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