mine to lose

This was a banner weekend.

It seems so long ago now that we were daydreaming about the time when our six- and two- year old children would be graduating, one from college and the other from high school.  Who could even have even thought then that we’d be in the middle of a hundred-year pandemic that would severely delay or alter graduation day for both of them?  Zachary was able to walk in a “drive-by” ceremony, which was, all things considered, surprisingly efficient and even kind of nice.  He wasn’t keen on participating in a ceremony or a party, wanting to save money to go on a trip to visit friends in the summer.  The drive-by ceremony was a nice compromise.  Meanwhile, Kate will have a ceremony in December, hopefully.

I counted on being utterly ecstatic this weekend, and I was truly happy, but I’m also very scared.  I have a biopsy of my liver on Thursday.  I’m not afraid of the procedure itself, but of what it’ll tell us about my future.  I am truly lucky to have lived to see this last weekend.  Just twenty years ago I would have succumbed by now, so to have made it is testament to medical science.

My hair is falling out again.  What I’ve read about my new treatment promised that my hair would start “thinning”, but it’s a bit worse than that.  It’s not coming out in handfuls like it did before.  Still.  It’s depressing.  I’ve been looking at wigs on the ACS website, contemplating life as blonde.

Stay-at-home orders are still technically in place here in Hawaii, with beaches slowly opening back up with restrictions.  In the past two months, we have only left the house for grocery runs and doctor visits.  We really, really needed to get outside, if only for a little while.  We headed to the west side, to Poka’i Bay.  It was a lovely day.  The ocean water was, as always, healing.